


With A Pained Heart ~ Violet Evergarden

by TheCourtJester485



Series: The Auto-Memory Doll: Journey's & Accounts [2]
Category: Violet Evergarden (Anime)
Genre: (Kind Of...), Canon-Typical Violence, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Gilbert Bougainvillea loves Violet Evergarden, I miss these two, I'm Sorry, Lost Love, Manga & Anime, Memories, Mentions of War, Sad with a Happy Ending, Survivor Guilt, Timeline What Timeline, Violet Evergarden - Freeform, Violet Evergarden needs a hug, Violet misses the Major, Violet's emotions, auto memory doll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCourtJester485/pseuds/TheCourtJester485
Summary: Taking place a short time before the air show in the season finale, Violet Evergarden endures a nightmare that reignites her heartbreak of accepting what happened to Major Gilbert.
Relationships: Gilbert Bougainvillea & Violet Evergarden, Gilbert Bougainvillea/Violet Evergarden
Series: The Auto-Memory Doll: Journey's & Accounts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889560
Kudos: 26





	With A Pained Heart ~ Violet Evergarden

The girl kneels before him as he lay pressed against the wall, bleeding terribly over cold, blood stained steps. Half his face is a smear of crimson behind a shield of blue hair. Her arms aren’t gone; instead the mechanical prosthetics stand in place of the nothing that became of the originals. Even stranger, she’s clothed in her military uniform. Confused and afraid she studies them for a moment before Gilbert’s soft, calming voice draws her attention away, preventing her from hearing the distant footsteps approaching.

“From the bottom of my heart, I love you.”

From his tearful smile rouses agonizing whimpers and sorrow from her then. Closing the steel digits she just can't hold back anymore; the girl reaches out a trembling hand to touch him... but in a blink, he’s gone; his presence is replaced by nothing more than empty space and dust. The steps grow louder ahead of cruelly spoken words, though enwrapped in another man’s voice. They echo within the crumbling walls surrounding her as they threaten to cave in on themselves.

_My brother Gil gave his life to protect someone like you?_

_You were just a tool to him. A weapon._ _That’s it._

_That's all you will ever be._

Gritting her teeth, she shakes her head to get rid of him, “No. No, not anymore...”

Stumbling to her feet the girl's focus frantically whirls in every direction, arms half raised in preparation, though for what she isn’t sure. Dietfried’s voice remains unforgiving, _savage_ in it’s repetition of taunting her.

 _Writing letters with the very hands that took the lives of so many… you_ _killed Gil!_

“No, I –”

_You weren’t able to protect Gilbert!_

Such ungodly statements aren’t what shocks her. No. To her they may even be half-truths. Quite, it’s the surreal circumstance she’s found herself in. _Why am I – where did the Major go?_ _How is this –_ Captain Dietfried blocks her backwards descent, she flinches, immediately spinning to face him. Resentment burns in his retinas, limbs slack and uniform neat, his braid hanging over to one side as it had on the train.

He grabs her collar to pull the girl up on tip-toes; his yells no longer residing inside her head, “You Killed Gil! That’s why you should die too! _”_

Eyes just like _his._

He drops the shell-shocked battle doll, then he too disappears, leaving her to sit alone in the desolated haunt. To her horror she sits directly over the bloody trail which promptly seeps into the fabric of her shorts. Her scuffed knees work to move her up the steps again in efforts to stand up, but to no avail. Her lungs struggle to take in the heavy breaths choked in guilt.

“Violet,” looking up, the unsmiling face of Major Gilbert glances down at her from behind. His brows knitted together slightly as they used to when he worried for her. “what’s the matter?”

Unable to contain herself any longer tears stream down her cheeks like rapids before clamping her eyes shut. Her clenched metal fist thumps against the stone slab beside her in defeat. What can she say? The broken doll grips her brooch as she hunches over. Unexpectedly, a familiar hand sweeps some straggly blonde locks behind an ear. Easing up her head, she’s greeted by Gilbert now crouched in front of her, his visage tender and unbloodied,

“What is it?”

“I... I... how are you here?”

“No matter where you are or what you may be doing, I am always with you, Violet.” he says softly, his hand falls atop hers clasping the jewel, “ _Always_.”

“I wanted to protect you! Major, I wanted so desperately to save you! I tried my best and yet–you didn’t –”

“You did all you could for either of us.”

She shakes her head vigorously, “No, no I didn’t. It’s because of me that you went MIA. I couldn’t _save_ you.”

“Yes, you did.” Gilbert takes the weeping girl into his arms, cradling her quivering body in a hug. His fingers stroke soothingly over her hair as she cries into his chest after a moment of bemusement, “You saved me long ago, Violet. Because of you, I learned to care for someone with all their being as _more_ than just a soldier. Before we met, I didn’t think anything new in this life could surprise me, or change my heart so completely. Do you remember what I told you?” her fingers twitch. The Major’s arms tighten and the words begin to crack, “That I didn’t see you as a tool?”

“Yes. I remember.”

“I wasn’t lying. But, that didn’t stop me from allowing a _child_ to fight for me in a war she herself was a victim of. For putting _you_ _at risk_ because your unmatchable skill-set was crucial for winning the war. What’s worse was sending you out there with the knowledge of your unshakable devotion to me, and my well-being. You never failed me, instead, you put your trust in me...” his breathing slows and gently bats against her crown, “I must appear as a hypocrite, really. Even so, you followed every order I gave you without question or objection; except for one.”

Further words make themselves known within her thoughts.

_Save yourself. Leave me here. You have to run._

_I won’t leave you behind!_

_Leave me here._

_I’ll only go if I take you with me,_

Violet’s blurring gaze switches sides to view where the Major had fallen in the memory. Her fiery cheek presses over his living heart, the frequent beats playing their song to her as if it were a lullaby. 

_I will not let you die!_

_That’s enough!_

“I haven’t paid for all the things that I did. The suffering I caused before becoming an Auto-Memories Doll.”

“Your arms and mind were plenty punishment enough.”

“Colonel Hodgins said… my body is burning. I didn’t understand at first, but now I do. He was right. I am on fire, Major.” she pulls away, searching deep within the inconceivable beauty of his emerald eyes; they look the same as they did that fateful night moments before he was shot. “Major, what do I do? Tell me, please, tell me.”

Gilbert’s features soften from her plea, his lips parting in wake of the melancholy sigh passing between them. When she grips his sleeve he brushes the girl’s tears away while gifting the smallest of smiles, “You have to live, Violet. You have to live.”

She bolts upright in her bed, the chance to exchange even a goodbye stolen from her a second time.

Pouring from her heart flows the aching warmth kindled by the Major’s final words. Immediately she reaches for _it_ –clutching her only remaining tie to him, she dares not let go of the jewel enveloped beneath metal and tiny, clunking gears; holding it for so long, and with such severe attachment, it doesn’t cross her mind that it could crack or slip from her palm. Translucent tears trickle down her reddening cheeks and disoriented grunts turn to grief stricken sobs.

Her cries may be quiet, but her pain screams volumes.

Many a nights have been spent in such fashion since learning the devastating truth from Hodgins about Gilbert’s status; ever since he found her scrounging through dirt, rocks and rubble that night in the dark in ‘hopes’ to uncover his body, if anything at all to prove he’s not… that he’s still…

***

At the request of a friend a few days later, Violet at long last emerges from her quaint little bedroom.

Luculia suggests they write a letter together, one specially for the Major to be scattered alongside countless others at the air show later that month. Although nothing gets written down, Violet is reminded of how one’s feelings can be immortalized through a letter. After all she’s been through, after everyone she’s helped and brought tears of joy and the comfort of closure, it occurs to her, just maybe, that it’s her turn, and that she’s deserving of it. Perhaps with a letter, Violet can tell him she finally understands the meaning of _I love you,_ coupled with the promise of fulfilling his last wish to her.

_You have to live, Violet. You have to live._

_Be free._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you're liking this one-shot style series so far.
> 
> I wrote this in anticipation of the upcoming Violet Evergarden movie in September and I'm hella excited to see these two reunite and have a (hopefully) happy, tear inducing ending, 'cuz DAMN do they deserve it after the hell they've gone through...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! :-D


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